exorcising negativity.

From now on, i will be writing here only the good things. Rants and whines and negativities do not deserve a space here in my blog anymore. I used to believe that i am a positive person and that i always see the good sides in every situation. But having reflected on my attitude after reading an ex-colleague's/friends blog, i concluded that i am after all, a negative person.

I always complain about school and work. I always complain that i have truckloads of assignments and quizzes which after all is always my fault why they piled into truckloads when in fact, right at the beginning of the semester, the questions are already given to us. And that every night of my life, i only stared at the sets of questions and crammed one hour before deadlines.

I always complain about work and some of the people i work with. When in fact i should be thankful that i am meeting a lot of people each day, earning friends, learning new experiences. No matter how irritating people are, i should be thankful that i am learning from them, learning to lengthen my patience, that is.

So for this entry, i will write things that i am thankful for everyday of my life (it ain't original i know but still want to do it, hehe :)

• Best. he is the ever-patient, ever-loving, ever-always-there boyfriend- bestfriend. For nine years, he never left my side despite shooing him away many times. Maybe God has answered an innocent prayer from ten years ago.
• The Hilarious. we lose our mom ten years ago, we quarreled, we shouted at each other, my family is far from perfect. but thank God for them. We will always be hilarious, lovin' life, sharing jokes over dinner, arguing over trivial facts, fighting over a videoke mic.. (and the list of good things goes on...).
• Magic 12. my best girlfriends. fourteen years of friendship and counting. Some i know since elementary and kinder. we do not see each other often anymore - careers, husbands and kids "prohibit" us from doing so - but in our hearts, we are always the same high school girls who love to giggle, laugh our hearts out, share secrets, play shatong at school.
• Arfs. magic's best boy-friends. with them, we lose our innocence, in a good sense. they showed us a wider world, the reality of life. we did not need join frats to share brotherhood/sisterhood. boys will always be boys. but us to them, they can make exceptions.

(continued...at andami ko pala tlgang bagay na ipinagpasalamat at kelangang two entries hehe)

I am STRENGTH.

You are Strength

Courage, strength, fortitude. Power not arrested in the act of judgement, but passing on to further action, sometimes obstinacy.

This is a card of courage and energy. It represents both the Lion's hot, roaring energy, and the Maiden's steadfast will. The innocent Maiden is unafraid, undaunted, and indomitable. In some cards she opens the lion's mouth, in others she shuts it. Either way, she proves that inner strength is more powerful than raw physical strength. That forces can be controlled and used to score a victory is very close to the message of the Chariot, which might be why, in some decks, it is Justice that is card 8 instead of Strength. With strength you can control not only the situation, but yourself. It is a card about anger and impulse management, about creative answers, leadership and maintaining one's personal honor. It can also stand for a steadfast friend.

(This is cool. I've taken this Tarot Card test a year ago, and got the same result as above).

When i say new, it means...

today is my third monthsary, my third month of being in a new world here in Cotabato City. Yeheey, congratz to me. i was able to get through three months of a totally new environment. When i say new, it means...

- staying in a boarding house...

(first time in my 27 years! i studied until college in my hometown so there was no chance to board and i stayed in a staffhouse during my past works, 2 - butuan city, 2 - davao city, 1 - san franz, and these were entirely for free! water, electric, gasul... ;)

- having to commute to and fro work EVERYDAY...and having to inhale all the dust and smoke from jeepneys...

(urgh. our offices in my past works were just beside our staffhouse, or sometimes we live in an office cum staffhouse, so grabeng tipid sa fare, you can save your coins in a piggybank, u can never be late pa).

- having to write in a logbook in and out of the office (8am-in, 5pm-out)...

(i think it is a government style and i never thought some NGOs also has this system - like my present office do. duh, for a takaw-tulog person like me, it is such a punishment to wake up at 6.30 am para hindi ma-late, waaah).

- having an office that has no speakers in the personal computers!!!

(waaahaha, when i first came in the project, the silence of the office was the first thing i noticed... you can only hear the rustles of the paper being printed, the footsteps of the staff scurrying around, but there was no music, hahaha.. i thought our office was so dull, there were no tv, no radio, ewan, hindi lng ako nasanay. What i did was brought my own headset, beh).

- eating alone during dinner...

- for me, this is the saddest part. since i don't cook and only eats in a carenderia, i eat alone. my housemates whom are also NGO workers sleep early or come home late so we cannot join each other for dinner. But mostly, i brought my food in the boarding house so i can chat with my landlady while eating, hehe).

- being cautious and vigilant when i am in town...

(no need for explanation. i am here in cotabato city, where street crimes are normal rampant and snatching/hold-ups happen to your immediate friends, yay, scared. So, when i have to buy groceries, i have to get out at 5pm para hindi ako magabihan sa daan... kainis tuloy, i can't stay longer at McDo and chill at their veranda dahil takot mahold-up, aysus palayo!).

- having to work with City Government partners...

(i hope they won't read this hahaha. working with personnel from the city govt is such a sakit ng ulo. it delays our work, our deliverables. You can't decide solely unless it is agreed/disagreed by them. we coordinate with them regularly because the project is a partnership - nakakalokang partnership. they are too busy with their own job description at the city government and most of the time ay nakakaligtaan nila ang responsibility nila with the project. hello? may duration po ang project at pati kami at hindi kagaya sa gobyerno that you can stay in your office forever until retirement, puhleeze).

- working in an office that has the strictest standards and systems of all...

(sometimes i can't see the logic, say in a system...but my supervisor says, of course you can't see because there is none. hahaha, that explains all).

- being far from my Best (hehe siningit...)

(uu, kc with the two previous projects/works i had, mgksama kmi ni best - mga 3 years din un when we used to see each other 24/7, so i had a hard time getting him out of my system when i got this job, whew, that's life...should work uy).

Now i wonder, will i still be here for another three months? If i would, i wonder what made me stay (hahaha) and if i don't, tsk, tsk, kawawa naman si ma'am estela, my supervisor, at maiiwan siyang nagtityaga sa project at sa mga partners... Don't get me wrong, i have a big heart for our project since i am a self-proclaimed environmentalist. and i believe na malaki ang significance ng project sa problema sa basura ng Cotabato City. Sigh, it's just that some of the brains of our stakeholders are filled with basura na rin. Nangangaamoy na sila sa baho. eeow.